[ALARM CLOCK SOUNDS]
[♪]
♪ It was just another Saturday night ♪
♪ I was jamming with the guys ♪
♪ Hanging out on the corner ♪
♪ Just a-watching the girls go by ♪
♪ Suddenly, I noticed They were staring back at me ♪
♪ And when I took a closer look I couldn't help but see ♪
♪ Girls got something ♪
♪ Boys ain't got ♪
♪ Drives 'em crazy ♪
♪ Gets 'em hot ♪
♪ Girls got something ♪
♪ Boys ain't got ♪
♪ They just ain't got ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo... ♪
♪ Like a bee That needs its honey ♪
♪ Like a moth drawn to a flame ♪
♪ Girl, is just a fact of life ♪
♪ They're captured by the game ♪
♪ That's the way It's always been ♪
♪ Since Adam fell for Eve ♪
♪ Just one taste Is all it takes ♪
♪ To make a boy believe ♪
♪ Girls got something ♪
♪ Boys ain't got ♪
♪ Drives 'em crazy ♪
♪ Gets 'em hot ♪
♪ Girls got something ♪
♪ Boys ain't got ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... ♪
Terry...
Denise, why aren't you in science?
They're showing a film strip.
Everyone left. I have to talk to you.
Denise, I'm really into this article.
I know, but I need your advice,
and you are my best friend.
and I tried to deal with this myself, okay,
and I'm really stressed out!
Three guys want to take me out Saturday night,
and I'm not too thrilled about any of them,
but I think I should go out with someone
in case I don't have a real boyfriend
by the prom.
Okay, who are the guys?
If I give you names, you cannot laugh.
I know.
You have the perfect college boyfriend.
You think Kevin's perfect?
He's a god, okay?
Can we talk about me now?
Where was I?
Bruce Schulman, Edward Zink,
and Roger Gibbler.
This is serious.
I know.
All right.
On a scale of lame to cute,
who rates the least low?
They're all lame.
Put Roger in a Rent-A-Tux,
he might move up to semi-lame.
Okay, forget looks.
Who's got the hottest car?
A Pinto, dad's Skylark,
and a Schwinn.
Looks like you're going to have to skip the prom.
Hey, hey, everybody...
Listen up. Hey.
A lot of you have been giving me a lot of grief
about this Sun-Tribune journalism competition.
Well, I finally got all of your submissions ready.
Now, during my planning period,
I picked the best two,
and then from those,
and from those submitted by all of your pals
over at Sturgis-Wilder...
[BOOING AND HISSING]
Thank you.
...the Trib will pick one,
and award somebody a summer internship, okay?
So I'll post the names of the winners
in the main trophy case
right after I finish my lunch.
Tuna salad on whole wheat.
A summer job at the Sun-Tribune. Think about it.
I'll think about that.
You think about me at the prom with a lizard.
I think you're exaggerating.
Hi, Denise.
A-are you busy Saturday night?
Sorry.
Mr. Raymaker, Mr. Vino, the driver's ed teacher,
just ran over a dog.
Should I take a photographer over?
No.
What's up, Terry?
How's it going, Terry?
- Hi, guys. - Hi, guys.
Bye... guys.
Am I invisible?
They were in a hurry.
You are so hot.
Buddy...
I just ate.
Thanks for stopping by, Bud.
Any time, sis.
Our parents are gone for two weeks.
You know what that means?
Their king-size bed is empty.
What do you think?
I think if you and I were the last man
and woman on earth,
the human race would die out.
You want time to think it over.
I understand.
I have two words for you.
Slumber party.
We'll invite every girl you know.
Tall, short, loose, easy.
I'll be the bartender.
They can use my bedroom,
they can use my body.
I want to help.
You want to molest my friends.
Forget it.
Why?
You'll have a party, and I'll...
Uh, uh, uh!
Oh, God.
Does he do this at the dinner table?
Don't get me wrong.
It's not like I've never had sex before.
I've had lots of sex.
It's just that now I'd like to try it
with a partner.
We really have to get back to school.
Yes, we must get back.
I want to make sure my article's
in the trophy case.
Yes, we really must get going.
You have to get going?
I'm 15 years old.
In two years,
I reach the peak of my sexual powers.
The clock is ticking. I have to get jamming.
Can't you hear what you're saying?
Aren't you a little embarrassed?
Nope. I'm horny.
Horny will kick embarrassment's ass
every time.
Budster, listen to me.
Don't you want your first time to be with someone you love?
I guarantee it, I'll be in love.
There's Lisa MacAdoo.
I'll hear she'll do anything with anybody.
She looks pretty cheap to me.
Me too.
Denise, I am so excited.
You know this job means,
everything in life to me.
I know. Just make sure you work in the Sports section
That way we can interview all the cute jocks.
You are going to be so proud of me.
I am going to make such a great reporter.
I'm not there.
Why aren't you there?
Neal Perlow and Joseph Dreyer?
And then I had Terry Griffith,
fourth period civics.
Did you see what she's wearing?
The legs do not stop.
I say we flunk her.
Keep her here for another year.
You better be careful, George.
You could lose your job.
Be worth it.
It's not that great a job.
Terry...
What's wrong with my article?
Well, there isn't anything wrong with it, per se.
It's just not outstanding work.
Well, I think it is.
What do you give me straight A's for, my wardrobe?
I give you the A's because of your hard work,
and you write well,
but this contest,
it's a completely different ball game.
When I read those articles, I have to ask myself,
"Does this person have a nose for the news?"
"Do they dig out
the most interesting angle on a story?"
Oh, so I see, what you're trying to tell me
is that the nutritional content of our school lunches
isn't interesting.
Now, Terry, I know that you're disappointed,
but I had to pick kids who've got a real shot
at becoming journalists.
I am going to be a reporter.
I like that attitude,
but don't you think that it would be nice
to have something to fall back on?
Like what?
Uh, well, you're a pretty girl, you could be a model.
Be a model?
Why? Because a pretty girl can't possibly have a brain?
Look, what I meant was--
I know what you meant!
This is a great article,
and it belongs at the Sun-Tribune,
and you are so clueless to, like...
It is really pathetic.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Terry, it's Mr. Wonderful.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Always when I'm busy.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
She's in the pool.
- What took you so long? - I knew it was you.
I keep forgetting how young you are.
What a waste of a sports car.
Listen, everything's going to be all right
How'd this get in here?
Why do you always tie these double knots?
Kevin, please forget the knot.
What I need is a little sympathy.
I had my heart set on that summer job.
Oh, Terry.
I know exactly how you feel.
Can I tell you a little story?
When I was a kid,
I was obsessed with being a fireman.
I set little fires in the backyard,
and I practiced putting them out.
Then one day, when... I was 12,
I learned I could never be a fireman.
Why, what happened?
I found out how much money they make.
Pitiful.
Don't you understand
that I don't care what reporters make?
I can't remember a time when the was anything else
I wanted to do,
and it's pretty discouraging
when Raymaker tells me
that I should become a model.
Why not? You're a knockout.
Besides, models make some pretty nice bucks.
You don't think I can do it, either.
Well, no, that's not exactly what I said...
Exactly.
Yeah, well, itas close enough.
You know, it's lucky for you
I'm in love with you, I think,
or I'd probably never speak to you again.
I'd like to be alone, please. Now?
Can't you be alone when your parents are home?
Since you haven't listened to one word I've said,
why don't you try reading my lips.
Goodbye, Kevin.
Would you rather spend the night at the frat house?
[♪]
All men care about is sex.
I resent that.
Big improvement, huh?
The room needed something.
Your room is why
my life is totally screwed up.
You guys think beautiful women are nothing but decoration,
total airheads.
Hey, not me.
These women have my deepest respect.
For showing their boobs?
And for their minds.
It just so happens
that Kim here reads Vonnegut
in her bubble bath,
and Louann has dedicated her centerfold
to help clean up toxic waste,
and the only reason
Barbara does her physics homework buck-naked
is 'cause that library's hot.
Come on, Buddy admit it.
You would love to spend your entire life
just using women's bodies.
Yeah, all but the last 60 seconds.
I'd like a little time to reminisce.
Can't you think of anything more profound than getting laid?
A blowjob?
I'm sorry.
This is the perfect end to my day.
I mean, it's as if women's lib never existed.
Today's woman has the freedom to be just as sick and perverted
as us guys.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I mean, I write an excellent article,
and just because I'm... cute, no one takes me seriously.
It's not fair.
And yet somehow you find the courage to go on living.
You got guts.
Sometimes I just wish I were a guy.
No, you don't.
The male body needs sex at all times.
It's a living hell.
I bet if a guy turned in the same exact article,
it would be at the Sun-Tribune right now.
Yeah, no kidding.
Hey, does Miss April look straight?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
What are the odds of this being a homeless nymphomaniac?
Is your sister home?
Yeah.
Hey, Terry, you got company.
Terry?
Why am I brain-damaged?
I just fooled my own brother.
Hey, I wasn't paying attention.
Now I am.
Hello, Terry.
I think I can pull this off.
This morning I knew her.
I talked to her.
She screamed at me.
Everything was great.
Now she's wearing my clothes.
Hey, who do you think you are, Tootsie?
No.
Okay, Yentl?
What do you want to be, a rabbi?
Just tell me what's wrong.
Really?
Okay. Well, uh...
Look how you're standing.
I mean, drop your hands.
Okay, now stick your hip in.
All right, now move your feet apart.
Hey... Guys take up space.
All right, now, you've got to look tougher.
Very crucial.
Something every guy does.
Let me see you scratch your balls.
Come on, try it.
Wait a minute.
Watch the master.
Now, first, there's your basic shift...
But that's not always enough.
Sometimes, you've got to get inside,
dig a little, let some air in,
move things around.
Yeah, well, maybe my balls don't itch.
All balls itch. It's a fact.
Well, maybe this would help.
Not bad.
Shit. Maybe I should try that.
Okay. Let's see you walk.
Hold it.
Look, you got balls now.
Use them.
Say, baby, what's happening?
I'm a lean, mean, sex machine, and that be the way it is.
Say, baby, what's happening?
I'm a lean, mean, sex machine.
and that be the way it is.
I think you'll pass as long as you don't move.
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to take that article
to Sturgis-Wilder,
and I'm going to submit it as a guy.
It makes perfect sense.
You got a problem, you get in drag.
You don't think I can do it, do you?
No way...
But d love to see you try.
Hey, how you doing?
We'll talk more later.
Once you're into power blitzing,
doing super sets is like jerking off.
The key is to work out every possible minute.
Like, say you don't have any weights?
You use freshmen.
I'm serious.
Excuse me! This'll just take a minute.
Okay, get a good grip,
bend your knees and lift.
One, two. One, two...
[GRUNTING]
Hey, no pain, no gain.
This is great for the deltoids.
Thanks, kid.
Happy to help.
Who invited you?
Uh... I'm new here.
Just what we need, another pussy.
Strong as an ox,
and almost as smart.
- Ooh... - Ooh...
Another good exercise for upper body strength...
The pussy toss, for distance.
Hey, get off me!
Get off me right now!
Ow! Watch the prickers.
Damn!
Great bunch of guys.
I see you met Greg Tolan.
He kind of runs the school.
I'm Rick Morehouse.
Try not to get us confused.
Willy, give us a synopsis of Catcher In The Rye.
[MAKING ALIEN NOISES]
Catcher In The Rye...
A novel written by the earthling Salinger
that every adolescent Homo sapiens in America
is forced to read.
You didn't read it, did you?
Our mission on your planet
is to study human behavioral patterns.
Last night, we simulated a daily teenage ritual,
homework avoidance.
We consumed large quantities
of fermented hops,
and were transformed
into degenerate party animal headbangers.
[SILLY ALIEN LAUGHTER]
Can I go to the restroom please?
Three minutes.
I don't care what galaxy you two are from.
You've been pulling this routine
for three years.
You'll be here another year
if you don't straighten up.
I want that homework now.
The earth woman seems so tense, irritable.
Too much coffee.
Not enough sex.
[SPEAKING ALIEN]
[♪]
♪ On the streets people talk ♪
♪ All the strangers That you meet ♪
♪ Watch you move, how you walk ♪
♪ Little secrets ♪
♪ Take it out face to face ♪
♪ Cross that line of fantasy ♪
♪ If you want You can come along with me ♪
♪ One of the guys ♪
♪ Stick together ♪
♪ Reputation's Out on the street ♪
♪ One of the guys ♪
♪ Hard to measure ♪
♪ When the love is to start... ♪
Just finished.
I care.
♪ No one knows what's inside ♪
♪ Girl, you're hungry For the dream ♪
♪ If you want You can come along with me ♪
♪ One of the guys ♪
Yo, punch it, punch it!
♪ Reputation's Out on the streets ♪
♪ One of the guys... ♪
Way to go, Big Ter.
♪ They stick together ♪
♪ Reputation's Out on the streets ♪
♪ One of the guys... ♪
Table pressing.
Good for strength and definition.
Full extension is very important.
No pain, no gain.
Gotcha!
Uh, Coach Morrison?
One moment, son.
Bowling, uh... Great game.
The greatest, but it's more than a game.
It's the ultimate challenge.
One man, one ball, 10 pins.
10 frames too.
Exactly!
Uh, you see, coach, um,
I just transferred here from another school,
so I don't have my gym clothes yet,
so I guess I'll just go to Study Hall.
Hold it.
Everyone dresses for my gym class.
Everyone.
Great.
I have surprise jock inspections three times a week.
A word to the wise...
Wear it.
[GEEKS MOANING]
Hey, Yo, Mark! Throw me a towel.
I hate gym.
I really hate gym a lot.
I really hate gym.
I don't like the smell in here.
Excuse me.
Oh, it's spreading.
Have you ever seen anything like this?
Never.
All right, shower squad!
Get the new kid!
[SHOUTING]
[FIRE ALARM RINGING]
[SHOUTING]
Everybody out! Fire!
Take only essential materials!
Hey, out of my way!
We have a saboteur in our gym class.
A real scum!
A nimrod!
Whoever started that fire... Is a human gutterball.
A zero!
Sherpico...
how many times have I told you
no creatures in my gym class.
I couldn't help it, coach.
If I left him in the locker,
The alligators would eat him.
You get rid of it, or I'll get rid of it.
Shh.
It's all right. It's okay.
He's just a little upset. Don't worry about it.
Sit. Sit. Stay. Good boy.
I'll be back soon.
I'll take Willie if you take Phil.
Okay, come on, guys.
- Ahh! - Ahh!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Okay, shirts! Skins!
Shirts! Skins!
Ahh! Agh!
Got a problem, son?
Oh, stomach... Shooting pains.
I ate in the cafeteria.
Come on, tough it out.
When life rolls you a 7-10 split,
what do you do?
Go to the nurse?
No! Hell, no!
You aim for that seven pin, and let her rip!
[SCREAMS]
All right, all right.
The rest of you pinheads, play ball.
This is good work.
I knew it. Thanks, Mr. Mendosa.
But I can't send it to the Sun-Tribune.
What'd you say?
I can't send it.
Your writing skills are fine,
but, man, this stuff is really boring.
You've got to grab the reader.
Goose them a little.
Right. Goose them.
Just because you're a guy
doesn't mean you can't write with sensitivity,
with feeling, with heart,
but you do show promise.
Look, I'm not going to choose the winners
until a week from Monday.
So think of something exciting. Try again.
Yeah, well, uh... Thanks.
DENISE: Terry, I hate when you're depressed.
I mean, if you're this upset over your life,
I should be suicidal.
I mean, look what Kevin sent you.
I'd do anything
to come home and find roses.
Can we define the word "anything"?
Maybe Raymaker was right
about my article,
but I know I can do better.
I'm just confused.
Of course, you're confused. You're wearing my underwear.
Terry, forget it. Come back to Pearl.
So you got a bad haircut.
I mean, you've got a great life
and a fabulous boyfriend.
I can't give up.
And today was a disaster, and I was a major geek,
but they all thought I was a guy.
I was in the boys' locker room!
You were?
Yes.
And they were? Yes.
Can I be your younger brother?
There's a story here.
I don't know what it is,
but I've got until a week from Monday
to find it.
Hey, what about
"Girl Gets in Locker Room, Turns Stupid."
I can still win that job.
I'm going to go to Sturgis-Wilder,
and I'm going to start making friends...
Any friends I can find.
What if Kevin finds out
you were in the boys' locker room?
Denise...
Would Woodward and Bernstein worry about their girlfriends?
No.
Anyway, Kevin will never find out.
Unless I tell him,
which I would never do...
As long as Denise cooperates.
Denise?
When pigs fly.
Never hurts to ask.
It's driving me crazy.
I looked everywhere.
I can't find the back of my earring.
What am I supposed to do,
walk around all day with one earring?
That is so punk.
Listen, all you've got to do
is break the eraser off a pencil.
and you can use it to hold your earring on.
Should get you through the day.
Oh, thanks.
I have sisters.
We're in the cafeteria.
Everything eats and is eaten by something.
Don't take it personally.
Remember when I--
Hi. Uh, I'm Terry Griffith.
Oh, hi. I'm Harold "Reptile" Sherpico.
It's time to feed Snowball his lunch.
Oh, Snowball. He's cute.
Oh, that's not Snowball.
This is Snowball.
That's lunch.
They don't make Snake Chow.
It was very nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you too.
Want some company?
Uh, yeah, sure.
I'm Terry Griffith.
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot your name.
Rick Morehouse.
Oh, yeah. That's it.
Last time we met, I was in some bushes.
Right. Big fun being the new kid, huh?
Are you new?
Two months ago.
Actually, I'm a professional new kid.
Seven schools in three years.
I really know how to register.
Excuse me!
Hi! Thanks.
It worked great.
He knew how to fix my earring.
That's because he's a little tulip.
You know Deborah Strowbridge?
Not really.
But, I mean, she talked to you.
Deborah Strowbridge is perfection.
Well, seems to me like she's got a boyfriend.
Yeah, well, there's no accounting for taste.
So are you a senior?
Yeah.
You going to college?
Well, I like music,
and d like to do something i,
but I'm not too sure you have to go to school to do it.
I dig music a lot too.
I like, um, The Clash, The Talking Heads,
and Springsteen and Prince.
Oh yeah? That's pretty cool.
Listen to this.
Look. What a fox.
Dresses like Elvis Costello,
looks like the Karate Kid.
I'm going to get him.
Severe intestinal disorder?
What's the matter?
You having a little tummy ache?
What are you, a pussy?
Uh... My doctor said
that I should be okay by a week from Monday.
So I guess I'll just go to Study Hall--
No, you won't.
I have a little job for you, son.
Here you go.
Hey, knock yourself out.
Hey, you look like you could use two.
Dragon coming through. Watch your toes.
Come on, Fifi. Don't dawdle. Come on.
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
Tulip.
Nice to see you.
Hi. I'm Sandy.
Terry.
Yeah, I know.
That's an incredible tie. Where'd you get it?
At a store.
Bitchen.
So I guess if you're new here,
you don't have a girlfriend.
Yeah, well, I got one
back home.
Long-distance relationship?
Good luck.
Yo, Rick!
You want a ride home?
Uh... Sure.
Yeah, well, got to go, Sandy, so I guess I'll see you around.
Yeah, you will.
She's pretty nice.
Yeah, but I got this one rule--
I never go out with girls who say "bitchen."
Pull up right here. This is fine.
Thanks for the ride.
Well, uh... What are you doing now?
I don't know. Nothing. Did you want to come in?
Well, I was just going to--
I was going to tune up my car, maybe play a little football,
but, yeah, I got time.
Okay.
Um, if my mom comes home from work,
and she asks you about my girlfriend...
Just so you know, her name is Alice,
and she looks a lot like Chris Evert Lloyd.
I just don't want her to worry, you know, about my social life.
Yeah, but Chris Evert Lloyd?
It was Wimbledon Week.
Do you want a beer?
Yeah, I'll take a brewski.
So you don't really have a girlfriend.
You guessed it.
What about the prom?
What about it?
Well, yoknow, it sounds all right,
Passion in Paradise,
you're renting out that big surf place.
Don't you want to go?
Yeah, but it's kind of a romantic night.
I'd rather not go with my mom.
Well, did you ask anyone?
Well, you'd better get going!
Come on,
who's your first choice?
You ask a lot of questions.
Rick, we're rapping man to man about chicks
and shit like that.
You know, like, uh, still a virgin?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Weren't you paying attention?
Are you a virgin?
No.
Have you slept with a lot of girls?
No.
Have you ever slept with a girl?
Yeah.
Well, all right, let's hear the story.
It's no big deal.
Um, just after my dad died,
this friend of my mom's...
I think she wanted to cheer me up.
She did.
Hey, is that your room over there?
Wait a minute, don't go in there.
It's kind of messy.
This is different.
I'm kind of into James Brown.
I guess so.
You know Prince, Michael Jackson?
It all goes back to James Brown,
the godfather of soul.
Not to mention, Mr. Humanitarian, Mr. Dynamite,
and the hardest working man in show business.
Ah, New York City, live, Apollo Theater, 1962.
This man was king.
Well, let's hear some sounds.
I don't think so.
Stereo broken?
No, it's just something I do by myself.
Huh?
Well, when I hear James,
I have to dance...
You know, like James. Go crazy. I can't help it.
And I'm usually alone when I do it.
That's cool, man. I can respect that.
How about another brewski, okay?
Okay.
Budster...
The refrigerator gives new meaning
to the word "empty."
Hey, don't worry about breakfast.
This stuff tastes great cold.
You agreed to do half the shopping
around here
while Mom and Dad were gone.
Yeah, that's right, the second half.
Now, I'll tell you what. I'll do the dishes.
Thank you.
I can see myself.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
I'll get it.
Hello.
Hey, yo, scumbag.
Hey, suck your own.
Eat me.
Hey, same to you, buttface.
Mom says hi.
Yo, Rick. How they hanging?
It's Terry.
Listen, I want you to wear something really hip
to school tomorrow.
We're going to get you a date for the prom.
Just do what I say.
Okay.
Yeah.
Bye-bye... Uh, scumbag.
Shit. He hung up.
[GROWLING]
This is your idea of hip?
A guy who is into James Brown?
Could we please just forget the whole thing?
Now, there is no reason
why you should miss that prom.
A girl would bcrazy to turn you down.
So come on.
Who is she?
Red sweater.
Cute shoes.
Huh?
Go for it.
Just waltz right up there and ask her out?
No, you've got to... say something nice,
like how pretty her eyes are.
Girls eat up that crap.
Come on.
Hi, Jeanine.
Hi.
I keep forgetting your name.
Rick... Morehouse.
You know, I sit right next to you
in civics class?
You have beautiful eyes.
I'll bet.
Do you have a-- a date for the prom?
Of course. It's next week. Why?
Official prom committee survey.
Thank you very much.
Terry...
TERRY: This has got to be the one.
You know why?
Because I've asked everybody else.
No. Because I've got this feeling.
True, I've had this feeling before,
but this time...
Uh... Beth.
Doing anything, uh, prom night?
I'm going to the prom.
What about Saturday?
I'm busy.
Night?
I'm busy.
How about Sunday?
I'm busy.
How about any night in 1987?
I'm busy.
How about yesterday? You busy yesterday?
I think so,
but you can ask me out again.
Hi, Terry.
Oh, hey, Sandy.
Hey, word's out your friend's desperate for a prom date.
He would love my cousin Jill.
She's cute.
How cute?
Extremely.
She's got, like, Joan Collins' eyes,
Christie Brinkley's teeth.
Uh, well, what about the rest of her?
Dynamite. Rick has to meet her.
How about you and me, and Rick and Jill
all meet up at the cave tonight?
We'll have a picnic.
Uh...
Come on. We'll have fun.
This Jill better be some girl.
♪ I want a lover With a slow hand ♪
♪ I want a lover With an easy touch ♪
♪ I want a lover Who will spend some time ♪
♪ Not come and go-- ♪
Buddy, can I borrow your army jacket?
♪ I want somebody Who will... ♪
What are you doing?
Just cleaning the house.
Budster, are you all right?
Huh... I am awesome.
Linda is on her way over.
Huh, huh, huh, huh!
Excuse me, Mr. Romance, just out of curiosity,
does this girl have any idea
she's coming over here to, uh,
light up your life?
Well, technically speaking, not really.
We'll probably start off with some algebra,
but once I turn on the charm, she's mine.
Hand me that massage book, please.
Bud, why don't you take the subtle approach?
You know, maybe hang a couple of salamis
from the ceiling.
Hey, at least my date is someone of the opposite sex.
I'm just seeing Sandy for Rick.
For Rick?
What happened to research?
Well, that's what I meant.
So for research,
you're willing to toy with this poor girl's emotions?
All you transvestites are alike.
You disgust me,
but of course, that isn't the real problem here.
Oh really? What is?
Well, this Sandy woman's hot for you.
What if she suddenly goes nuts and tears all your clothes off?
That's what Craig Garfield said Roxanne Doyle did.
Yeah...
What do I do then?
Call me.
I could be there in 15 minutes.
Wait, you can't call me.
In fact, you can't come home.
You'll have to sleep in the cave.
The cave.
Oh, God.
I want to toast my good friend Rick,
a guy with a great sense of humor.
And here's to summer.
I swear, sixth grade is so bogus.
It's a joke.
Want to take a walk?
I think they need some privacy.
Jill...
You animal, you.
Come on.
Hey, wait! Where you going?
Hey, man, don't leave me now.
♪ I think I'm in trouble ♪
You kids have fun, huh?
They left me.
It's okay. I'm still here.
Sandy... You tricked me bad.
Uh-uh.
You know, in five years,
Jill's going to make him very happy.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Nice fire.
Sandy, this is really--
Shh. Don't talk.
Sandy, this is a big mistake.
Maybe, maybe not.
There's only one way to find out.
Sandy!
Sandy, really.
Sandy, get out of there!
There really is a very good explanation
for that.
I'm flattered.
You are?
But you don't have to do this
to impress me.
I don't?
No. I like you a lot.
I think I'll take one of those beers now.
It's okay.
I mean, how small can it be?
Don't ask.
More Cold Duck?
Sure. Hit me again.
If I give you five bucks,
would you go see a movie?
Lien, you little squirt,
Terry promised she'd be home tonight,
and I'm not leaving till I see her.
If I give you 10 bucks,
would you go wait in your car?
We're on number 22.
Let's keep going.
Bummer.
If the coefficient of X
is greater than that of Y,
and the coefficient of Y
is greater than that C,
then by the transit of property,
what can be said about the coefficient of X
in relation to the coefficient of C?
Hold it!
It's time Kevin knew the truth.
Terry moved to Oregon to join a religious cult
that she saw on 60 Minutes.
It's all in the letter.
You should go home and wait for it, Kevin.
Wait. Two more problems.
If the coefficient--
Hi, Kevin.
Terry!
Back from the cult!
Where the hell have you been?
You're going to laugh.
I was upstairs looking for this skirt,
and I fell asleep in the closet.
What did you do to your hair?
Oh, I cut it.
Isn't it cute?
Cute? It's gone.
What are you, drunk?
You are. You're drunk.
Now, what's going on here?
We're supposed to get together.
Kevin, honey, angel.
I'll make it up to you. I promise.
When? Tonight?
Let me tuck you in.
I can't tonight.
I'm working very hard on my article,
but I'll tell you what...
I'll walk you out to the car, okay?
Gee, a walk to the car?
Ta about your wild nights, hmm?
Don't feel bad. It's okay,
because while you were up in the closet getting drunk,
I got to do algebra.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Crazy kids.
Well, alone at last.
Why are you smiling like that?
Because it's party time.
Let's dance. Let's get crazy.
Let's get drunk. Let's get naked.
Buddy, I love a good party,
but something about you worries me.
Linda, you're a nut.
What do you like, skinny dip in the pool?
Back rub in the bedroom?
Pick a sin. Any sin.
It's getting kind of late.
NoIt's early.
Bye.
Linda, wait! For God's sake, I vacuumed, Linda.
Buddy, you're a nice guy.
No, not a "nice guy." That's the kiss of death.
I'll see you in algebra. Thanks for your help.
Linda, wait.
Would it make any difference at all
if I said I was hung like a bear?
It might. Are you?
No.
Just checking.
Goodbye, Buddy.
I like your hair.
That girl had incredible self-control.
Kevin hates me. Rick hates me.
Everybody hates me except Sandy.
Oh, yeah, how'd it go? Did you get laid?
I bet I came closer than you did.
Years from now,
Linda'll look back on this night and be very sorry.
Good night, Buddy.
Sorry, Spike.
Nothing much has been happening, Ma.
Yeah, I did pretty good on my history test.
Terry's become a transsexual.
Yeah, she's starting to grow hair on her chest.
Yeah, just a second.
Hey, Mom wants to talk to you.
No, no.
Uh, she can't talk, Mom.
The doctors have advised her
not to speak.
Something hormonal and vocal.
Besides, she's hung over.
Yeah, she was out drinking with the guys.
Okay, see you in a week.
We miss you too.
Okay. Bye.
She thought I was kidding.
Yo, Rick!
Hi, Terry.
Good morning, Mrs. Morehouse.
Rick, your friend Terry's here.
Sorry about last night.
Hey, that's okay.
If I was in the sixth grade,
I think I would've had a big night.
- Come on, we're going out. - Let me guess.
You got me a hot date with Sandy's grandmother.
No, no, no, listen,
I figured the whole thing out.
There is nothing wrong with you except for the way you dress.
Terry, it took me an hour to put this look together.
Yeah, so don't try so hard next time.
Come on.
I don't have any money.
I got plastic. You can pay me back.
I just feel kind of weird.
That's because your body's not used to style.
You'll adjust.
Hey, Deborah, what's shaking?
Hi, Terry.
Hi...
Rick.
Yeah, I know.
You look a little different.
The kid went shopping,
got a haircut.
Welcome to the '80s.
Very sharp.
Thanks.
Deb, what are you doing
hanging around these chumpstains?
Come on. Let's go.
I'll be right there.
Now, Deborah.
Just a second.
Greg just likes to act tough.
He doesn't really hate y guys.
Oh, that's no act. He truly hates us.
Deep down, he's insecure.
Yeah, well, upfront, he's an asshole.
Take it easy, Deborah.
What was that, a pity stop?
[SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE]
...pizza!
[LAUGHING]
Those guys are...
It's just about showtime, boys.
[MAKING WHIRRING NOISE]
I'm picking up curious life readings.
Is it human?
Unknown.
It seems to be some sort
of carbon-based douchebag.
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
Not again.
Gentlemen, relax. Sit down.
Too much stress,
it's not good for your muscles.
Have a nice lunch.
Hey, how you doing?
Nice jacket.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Spaghetti, too.
I think it stains.
Did I miss something?
Why didn't you slug that asshole anyway?
He said he was sorry.
And you believe him?
Benefit of the doubt.
Besides, the guy can lift cars.
What are you doing?
What's it look like I'm doing?
Well, do you have to do that in here?
It felt like the right time,
certainly the right place.
Terry, is this a problem for you?
No, no problem at all.
I was just kidding.
It's just that you looked so nice today.
You were perfect.
Hey, isn't this great?
Isn't what great?
Well... You know, here we are,
a couple of guys hanging out in the men's room,
leaning up against the urinals,
talking about broads and fights.
Just like a couple of guys, you know.
This is what you call typical male bonding.
You know, like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Oh, so that's what it is.
Yes, it's great. I'm glad you told me.
I just wish that Greg Tolan would join the gang.
Oh, man, I've had it with that jerk.
You want to know about Greg Tolan?
I'll tell you about Greg Tolan.
Greg Tolan is toast.
He can't get away with this.
We've got to get him back.
We and what army?
No violence.
No need to sink to his level.
You see, we have something
that Greg Tolan will never have.
Intelligence.
You know, you're right.
I mean, we're smart.
Okay, Terry. What do we do?
I don't know.
Me neither.
Hey, man, this stuff'll kill you.
Try this. You'll live longer.
Thanks.
Looks good.
I made it myself.
Can I finish those fries?
Buddy?
Thanks.
What are you doing here?
Looking for you.
Uh, Rick, this is my younger brother, Buddy.
How you doing?
So. This is Rick.
I've heard a lot about you.
A lot.
Bud, what do you want?
Guess who came by to pick you up for school this morning?
Your true love...
Kevina.
Kevina was very upset
that you left without her.
You know how she worships your rippling muscles
and your hairy chest.
Terry's such a stallion.
Go on. Show him your hairy chest.
Buddy!
Anyway, Kevina made me promise to tell you
that she's going to be picking you up
for dinner 7:30 sharp,
so you should look your handsomest.
Thanks for the message, Bud.
My pleasure.
Well...
I'm going to scope out the local babes.
Hey, Rick, stay real.
Take it easy.
You have a girlfriend named Kevina?
Rather exotic, isn't it?
Stallion.
Hi.
Can I be totally honest with you?
Your touch is the reason
why I went through puberty.
Sit down.
Guys, I just want to apologize
about neglecting you yesterday.
I felt terrible,
and I just want you to know
you're still my favorite people.
Sit down.
Man, Terry, this crap has got to stop.
What are you going to do?
Um... Excuse me.
Could I have your attention please?
Your attention?
Every day at lunch,
we get a very special treat
from a very special guy.
A guy who has dedicated his life
to building his body,
pushing his muscles to the very limits of human endurance.
Why, you ask?
Why?
Well, to be strong enough to lift tables and spill food.
Greg Tolan!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Whoa. Wait.
Let's take a moment now
to find out a little bit
about the man behind the mess.
Greg! May I call you Greg?
Now, tell us, Greg,
how did you first get into spilling food, huh?
Were you a messy baby?
[LAUGHTER]
Did you hate your strained peas?
[CHUCKLING]
Well, you know,
most psychologists tell us that guys,
well, they get into body building
to compensate
for either a lack of IQ or a small weenie.
Which is it, Greg?
Well...
those of us in Greg's gym class
certainly know the answer to that one.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm going to beat the shit out of you, Morehouse!
Greg, please!
Hey, isn't he great?
Muscles and a sense of humor.
[LAUGHTER AND MURMURING]
Well, let's all thank Greg
for the many lunchtime thrills and spills
he's given us.
All right, everybody, up!
Come on, everybody up!
Grab the end of your table.
A tribute to you, Greg.
Lift!
We love you, Greg!
Everybody out!
Go on outside!
Now!
Hold it, clown!
Come on, Greg. Greg.
Lighten up. It was a joke.
People laughed. Let it slide.
Stay out of this, Deborah.
I am getting real bored
watching you push people around.
Yeah? Well, stick around,
because it's going to get real exciting.
You know, Terry was right.
You are an asshole.
That asshole called me an asshole?
Oh, now you want to beat him up too, right?
No, I want to buy him an ice cream.
[SINGING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE]
Can't you ever just be man enough
to walk away?
Watch. I'll show you how it's done.
Uh, you've got some pudding on your shoes.
TERRY: You were outstanding. Phenomenal!
So who are you going to ask?
Don't start this.
You're practically a celebrity.
I'm having a really great day.
Please, Terry, don't spoil it.
We've gone too far to stop now.
Just ask one more person. Anybody.
And then I swear I'll shut up.
Anybody?
Anybody.
Um...
This is, uh...
This is going to sound crazy...
But what the heck, you know,
it's been a crazy day.
Would you like to go with me to the prom?
Yeah. I'd love to.
Deborah, I don't think
you understood the question.
The prom?
I'd love to be your date.
Hi, Terry.
I'm going with Deborah.
Yow! Huh!
That's really wonderful.
See, what did I tell you?
You're a great guy.
It's about time
some lucky girl figured it out.
We've got to double.
Who are you going with?
Oh, I don't know if I'm going.
You got to. Come on.
Sandy.
Oh, no way, man. That chick is dangerous.
I don't need to go.
Yes, you do.
After all you've done for me,
we've got to get you a date,
because, uh, Terry,
I'm not going unless you're going too.
I mean it. I'll tell Deborah right now.
I think I know who to ask.
Okay!
I was wondering, do you have plans yet for Saturday night?
I'm not sure.
Either I'm jetting to Paris
or watching The Love Boat.
Denise...
Will you be my date at the prom?
You are so sexually confused.
Please, just say you'll go with me.
Why would you want to go?
Because I promised Rick,
and if I don't go, he won't go with Deborah.
Deborah... I am such a jerk.
I thought the whole point was to get Rick a date.
Yeah, but not her.
I mean, what could he possibly see in her?
She's totally wrong for him.
Too pretty?
No. She's trouble.
I guess Rick needs someone a lot more sensitive.
More like you, right?
Why would I want Rick when I have Kevin?
Good question, but... Do you like him?
Rick's not my type at all.
Sure, with my help, he's come a long way.
He stopped buying his clothes at Nerds 'R' Us.
I know you, Terry, and you like him.
He's research.
My article's due Monday.
I've got a lot of good stuff,
but I still need something to tie it all together.
Yeah. You like him.
Denise...
Just say you'll go to the prom with me.
I'll go to the prom with you.
Oh, thank you.
I want a limo.
And you can't tell anyone,
not my friends, not my parents, no one.
Deal?
Look, I'm not proud of this either.
God. Look how low I've sunk,
and you know what's really sad is,
you're the best date I've had in weeks.
How do I look?
Beautiful.
Kevin really loves this outfit.
I want to look really nice for him.
I guess you two haven't had much time together
since the sex change.
That's cute.
Hey, Denise. What's your rush?
We're young. We're wild.
Let's be young and wild together.
I'd rather get the phone book
and pick a name at random.
Hi. Is Terry home?
Yeah. Come on in.
Hey, Terry, you've got company!
Come on up, I'm almost ready!
Hey, we can go to your place.
It's cool. I'm very flexible.
Oh, shit.
Terry?
Uh, don't come in. I'm dressing.
Ter?
I'll be right out.
Hey, Sandy. What a nice surprise.
These are for you.
They're kissing fish,
to say sorry about the cave.
Yeah. I'm sorry too.
[WHISTLING]
Hey, how'd you know where I lived?
I followed you. Why don't you go to Pearl?
Oh, I hate that school,
bunch of snotty rich kids.
Anyway, thanks for the fish.
I'll put them by my bed.
Oh, that's perfect. Is that your room?
Oh, no, no. It's my brother's.
That's my room over there.
Well, let's see how they look.
Help me.
I think they'll look good over here.
Wow. Like, this is where you sleep?
Do your homework?
Yeah, well, uh... I like pictures of people.
Terry loves tits and ass.
These women just aren't tits and ass.
Kim reads Vonnegut, and Louann...
Louann despises toxic waste.
Don't let him fool you.
Hardcore sex maniac.
Well, Terry treated me with nothing but respect.
Very special.
Yeah.
He's one of a kind, my bro.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hey, I wonder if that could be your pal, Kevin.
Yeah, Kevin.
Why don't you go downstairs
and tell Kevin I'm not quite ready,
and could he please wait for me in the car?
I tried that once.
He doesn't like waiting in cars.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Thanks for stopping by,
but as you can see, I really am in a rush.
First, there's something else
I have to give you.
Oh, nothing could top these fish.
Don't be so sure.
Oh, my God, the fish.
Did you feed them today?
Look at those hungry little eyes.
They're kissing.
They're turning cannibal.
Here, feed them this,
and I'll see what I have in the kitchen.
Do you guys like pizza?
Buddy...
Kevin!
Ah, here she is.
What are you doing here so early?
It's 7:30. I'm right on time.
7:30...
I could've sworn you said 8:30.
I'll tell you what,
I'll go get ready, and you can come back for me in an hour.
Terry, you know damn well I said 7:30.
You said you'd be ready and dressed to kill.
So why do you look like hell?
I don't know.
Buddy, can I see you for a minute?
"I don't know?"
You're so great under pressure.
Listen, there's a half-naked woman
feeding pizza to some fish,
she's all yours.
Sounds too kinky for me.
Budster, I need you. She needs you.
You need her.
She really half-naked?
Maybe more by now.
What if you're lying?
What if I'm not?
Good point.
If I'm not back in a week, forward my mail.
Kevin, darling.
Hello.
Where's Terry?
Gone.
This isn't the first time
that androgynous sleaze bucket
has broken a beautiful girl's heart.
I'm so embarrassed.
Why?
The room's full of naked women.
Wait. Would you feel more comfortable
if I took my shirt off?
What a nice girl.
Well, we can't go to Giovanni's
with you being dressed like that.
Sure we can. We'll get it to go.
A long time ago, I knew this girl named Terry.
She wore dresses and make-up. e was hot...
And then, one day, she disappeared.
Do you know where did she went?
She's right here.
You know, I'm still the same person,
and is that all you care about, that I'm hot?
No, that's not all I care about.
Look, I'm under pressure. My article's due Monday.
Terry, what is it with this article?
I mean, it's nice to have a hobby,
but let's get serious.
A hobby?
I didn't-- I didn't mean... Hobby, like, just a hobby.
I, uh... I meant hobby, like, an important hobby.
Well, how do I look?
Dashing.
My zipper's open.
That was the dashing part.
Budmeister, are you okay?
No, Terry, I'm not.
Mom and Dad come home Monday.
I've had two weeks of total freedom.
The closest I've come to sex
was a girl who took her top off to seduce my sister.
What's wrong with me?
Not a thing.
Listen, sex is not that big a deal.
I'd like to form my own opinion.
It'll happen.
I know this place that delivers.
Massage Delight or something. Can I borrow $200?
Buddy, why don't you just call the guys
and go to the mall?
I'd rather wallow in my virginity.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Buddy, you know I can't answer it.
Please? This is almost over.
Yeah.
Yeah, Terry's here. I'll see if it can talk.
It's Mr. Wonderful.
Hi, Kevin.
No. I can't tonight.
Listen, we have to have a serious talk.
Yes. It's about us.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
Listen, can we talk about this later?
I got to g--
Bye, Kevin.
Mr. Wonderful is Mr. History?
All right!
♪ Street-wise, tough guy Born wild, don't try ♪
♪ Don't know if I asked ♪
♪ I knew it couldn't last ♪
♪ Warm crowd, small town Wised up, pulled down ♪
♪ Just spinning my wheels I guess you know how it feels ♪
♪ I feel a change coming on ♪
♪ Suddenly Some love's not far away ♪
♪ Ooh, I had to learn The hard way ♪
♪ From now on Things are going my way ♪
♪ Ooh, I always learn The hard way ♪
♪ From now on We're doing things my way ♪
♪ Boathouse bar scene Back room sleaze queen ♪
♪ I was just a boy With a brand-new toy ♪
♪ She knew my mind She seemed my kind ♪
♪ And she named her price It was 20 twice... ♪
I'm having such a good time.
No one here knows I used to be fat.
Tell me again
how Rick and Deborah belong together.
Rick and Deborah belong together.
What a crock.
♪ ...The hard way ♪
♪ From now on... ♪
He's doing it again. He keeps giving me looks.
♪ Ooh, I had to learn The hard way ♪
♪ From now on Things are going my way ♪
♪ My way ♪
[♪]
Thank you. You're very special. We'll be right back.
He wants to talk to me. Do you mind if I go?
No. Really. Go ahead.
You're a great date.
Hey, Sandy.
About the other night...
I feel like a visitor from the Planet of the Sluts.
Hey, that's okay.
We all make mistakes.
Hi, Deb.
Greg...
Can I help you?
Yeah, parsley for eight, please.
Ooh, they're so cute!
Yeah.
You know, I don't think they're hungry.
Hi.
They really do prefer mealworms or flies.
How could she do that to you?
We don't have a real commitment.
She can date whoever she wants.
In the middle of the prom?
[CROAKING]
Oh, there you are.
He's so excited. It's his first prom.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Terry!
All right, where is she?
It's that darn cult again.
They have her totally brainwashed.
Want to split her records?
Look, you can tell me now,
or you can tell me in the hospital.
I'm suddenly remembering.
If I tell you where she is,
you got to take me with you.
I don't want to miss this.
Let's go.
Wait.
It's kind of formal.
I got to change.
Thank you. Thank you.
Well, as chairwoman of the prom committee,
it's now my pleasure to announce your prom king and queen.
The envelopes, please.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen...
this year's prom queen is--
[GASPS]
uh... Deborah Strowbridge.
Aw, fix!
Fix!
Hey, I swear to God I'm not lying.
Okay, all right,
and, uh, this year's prom king is...
It's Greg Tolan.
Yeah!
All right, Greg! Way to go, Greg!
Congratulations, Greg.
Thank you, Deborah.
You know, now that I take a good look,
they really do make a nice couple.
Normally, we'd have the traditional
king and queen's dance,
however, as chairwoman of the prom committee,
I've decided that that's a stupid tradition.
So everybody dance!
[SLOW DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Come on, Rick!
♪ If I travel in the night ♪
♪ Can't find the way ♪
♪ Without a light ♪
♪ And the thought of you ♪
♪ The hardest thing I'll have to do ♪
♪ I must be Doing something right ♪
May I cut in?
Tolan, you're a creep!
You son of a bitch!
I'm going to scratch your eyes out!
Oh...
TERRY: Help!
You dumb ox! You're in trouble!
Stop it!
Put me down! Put me down!
Yah! Wo-aah!
Shit, where'd these guys learn to fight?
Okay, tough guy.
You want a piece of me now, huh?
My back's not turned the other way.
Nice tux. You'll look good buried in it.
No pain, no gain.
[APPLAUSE]
Hey, Ter.
Buddy?
I missed you.
Terry, are you all right?
Kevin?
Hey, Sandy!
What are you doing here...
In a tuxedo?
Please go home. I'll call you tonight.
Who is this guy?
Terry's boyfriend.
Who are you?
Just a friend.
Terry, we can work this out.
I know you still love me.
No, I don't.
I love someone else.
Whoa, uh, thanks, but no, thanks--
Look, Terry, we belong together.
You're my g--
Hold that thought.
Can I talk to you for one brief moment?
I'll be right back.
What's going on?
Wait. It gets better.
Yeah. Big night, huh?
I bet you're a little confused.
I think I understand.
I know I should've told you sooner,
but, uh... I didn't.
Um... I'm a g--
Terry...
I know.
You're gay.
I'm not gay.
Wait a minute. Now I'm confused.
I'm a girl.
I'm a woman.
Right,
and I'm Cyndi Lauper.
Could we please
go back to the prom now?
I'm a female, I swear.
Rick...
Wait a minute, are those what I think they are?
I'm sorry.
Where do you get off having tits?
There was this contest, and I needed to prove it,
but then I stayed, and I met you,
and you're so wonderful that...
Shit... I can't believe this.
Rick, I know you're mad,
but I think you're terrific,
and your friendship means so much to me
that I just--
Then this whole thing was bullshit.
Major bullshit.
Rick, wait!
You've got to understand how much you mean to me.
You've got to believe me.
Right, Terrence,
because you've been so honest up till now.
So how's the fish?
They're great. I put a frogman in the bowl,
and you know what?
They really do love pizza.
Rick, can't you just forgive me?
No, I can't.
Rick...
[CROWN GASPS LOUDLY]
It's okay, everybody. It's all right.
He has tits.
What?
Come on, Deb. Let's go.
No, I don't believe it.
Tits?
Whoa! 9:15 already.
Well... Gotta go.
Had a lovely time.
Have a nice prom.
Hi.
You're probably here with a date.
Yeah.
[♪]
Night, son.
Buddy, why'd you bring Kevin?
Good evening.
Whoops.
Hey, no problem.
Just a couple of nice, clean, all-American kids
experimenting with sex.
You remember Sandy, the fish girl?
Hi.
Hello.
TERRY: You know,
my voyage of self-discovery...
Has ended in despair.
Hey, that's so interesting.
Really.
Could you shut the light off, please?
I'm seeing Julian again this weekend.
He is so cool.
I can't believe I finally lucked out.
Denise, he is the lucky one.
Hey, Terry,
is it true you broke up
with that college guy?
It's true.
You want to go out Saturday night?
Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm really not ready.
Well, what about Sunday?
You think that's enough time?
No. Thanks.
Terry, you have to snap out of this.
I will.
It just may take me a couple of years.
Terry?
I really liked your article.
Especially the part
about how you can be cool
even though if you don't dress cool and stuff.
I feel the same way.
You want to go out sometime?
Oh... I'm really not ready yet,
but thanks anyway.
Shelley, wait up.
Terry!
Can you come in here, please?
Mr. Raymaker...
Come on into my office.
I read your article in the Sun-Tribune.
Congratulations on winning.
Thanks.
It was real good,
and I'm sorry I misjudged you.
You don't have to apologize.
I wouldn't have this job if it weren't for you.
I mean, you forced me to fight for what I wanted,
and I will never forget you
for that.
Thank you. I learned a lot too.
What about that kid you wrote the article about...
Rick?
He hates me.
Well, that's too bad.
You really like him, don't you?
Why do you say that?
I read your article.
Don't worry. I'm a stunt driver.
I do this for a living.
Swift parking job, Bud,
and you're late.
Yeah, I ran out of gas,
but don't worry, I put a buck's worth in...
on me.
Terry, it's summer. Smile.
My face hurts when I smile.
Listen to me, oh, sister of my loins,
I've got a driver's license
and a sex life.
You've got the job of your dreams
and a chauffeur.
Life is sweet.
Let's get an ice cream.
Uh, it's, uh, for you.
You look very good in a dress...
Very good.
I thought you hated me.
I missed you.
I read your article.
Do you, uh...
still feel the same way about me?
Yeah, I guess I do.
Well, hey, why don't we go out and have some fun?
You know, like, maybe we could go dancing
Friday night.
Wait a minute.
I'm the guy here.
Let me just try this, okay?
Why don't we go out dancing Friday night?
What an original idea.
Hey, you want to go for a ride?
Yeah.
Come on.
As long as I get to drive.
Come on, Buddy!
[♪]
♪ They say we're worlds apart ♪
♪ We don't belong together ♪
♪ But I've got this Need in my heart ♪
♪ That careless talk Can't sever ♪
♪ Now we're alone ♪
♪ And no one Can take that away ♪
♪ You're safe in my arms ♪
♪ Safe in my arms ♪
♪ Don't go away ♪
♪ Say you'll stay ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ I'm going to love you ♪
♪ Don't worry 'Bout tomorrow ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ Make it forever ♪
♪ Let's make it Last forever ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ I'm going to love you ♪
♪ Don't worry 'Bout tomorrow ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ I'm going to love you ♪
♪ Let's make it Last forever ♪
♪ou live your life On the run ♪
♪ And I see you just a little ♪
♪ But as long As I need someone ♪
♪ I'll keep a light In my window ♪
♪ So promise one thing ♪
♪ Promise One thing ♪
♪ You'll keep me Inside of your dreams ♪
♪ 'Cause after tonight ♪
♪ After tonight ♪
♪ If I set you free ♪
♪ Set you free ♪
♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ I'm going to love you ♪
♪ Don't worry 'Bout tomorrow ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ Make it forever ♪
♪ Let's make it Last forever ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ I'm going to love you ♪
♪ Don't worry 'Bout tomorrow ♪
♪ I'm going to love you ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ Let's make it Last forever ♪
[♪]
♪ Say you'll stay ♪
♪ Stay ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ I'm going to love you ♪
♪ Don't worry 'Bout tomorrow ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Tonight you're Mine, baby ♪
♪ Make it forever ♪
♪ Let's make it Last forever ♪
♪ I'm going to love you ♪